The following acronym BRAVING describes the core components of trust. By breaking trust down in this way we are better equipped to articulate and address specific areas where we are feeling betrayed or mistrustful in our relationship to self and others.
I will say no when I feel I need to and I am willing to respect and accept your “no” when you are employing your boundaries. We hold boundaries for others and expect them held for ourselves.
I can only trust you if you do what you say you are going to do over and over again. This means (at work or play) staying aware of your competencies and limitations so that you don’t over-promise and can deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities. Your actions mean more than your words. Trust is built over time with small acts.
I can only trust you if when you make a mistake, you are willing to own it, apologize, and make amends. I can only trust and respect you if when I make a mistake, you are willing to let me own it, apologize, and you will offer true forgiveness.
“V”- VAULT: You don’t share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept and that you are not sharing information with me about other people that should be confidential.” Relationships built on gossip about others are not trusting they are based on "common enemy intimacy.
Choosing courage over comfort. Choosing what is right over fun, fast, or easy. And practicing your values not just professing your values.
You and I can both struggle and feel comfortable asking for help. We can freely share holes in our knowledge and skills without fear of judgment. If we judge ourselves for needing and accepting help, we may also be judging others who we help.
Our relationship is a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions, and behaviours. I will do the same. When in doubt we seek to understand and be curious before we judge.
Trust of others begins with self-trust. If you can’t count on yourself you can’t ask other people to give you what you don’t have.